Always a bridesmaid never a bride

This weekend my best friend Raluca got married. I'm starting to feel older then I did before, It's strange how I didnt really start to notice that i was old...well older... then any other time in my life until my friends start to get married or have kids. What is it about those life milestones that makes people really start to notice their age. It was nice at one time to think that I wasnt that old; still hanging out and occassionally wasting my life away with weed, rock music and indie movies with subtitles. But I have bills to pay and deadlines to meet, moments and behaviours to account for and some how i still didnt feel like i was old. Until sunday when I stood in the cold breeze of october (it was an outdoor wedding..yeah i know outdoor weddings in october...she's lucky i love her) and watch as my best friend marry the man she loves under the trees in some forest in woodbridge. I dont like feeling old, i dont like feeling finite. not to say that at any time I felt infinite but I did, at one point, feel young enough to live for a long time. However, now I feel like i have such a short time...much shorter then I thought I had.

In January, i'm going to be 25....not that 25 is old by any means...but it is certinly not young. It's like that half way mark in life where you either need to decided that you are going to do something important or live in your parents basement for the next 20 years. I dont quite belive that I will end up being like that. I dont really like living with my parents right now, another 20 years might just kill me. But It's easy to see how time just kinds of gets away from you. How one day you are riding bikes, next day you are riding in the front seat and next day you are riding in the back...If you dont quite get what I mean by that last one i'm talking about a funeral. Now i'm not trying to be bleek or mellowdramatic, but I really want to get across the fact that time is so important...I want to go back to that point in life to the point when time didn't matter, when days seemed endless and bedtimes existed. Those were good times...good times.