was sort of on hiadus but I need this more then ever

so, since September eh?
well, here's the run down; girl meets boy (doesn't really like him) boy likes girl. Girl hangs out with boy (still doesn't really like him) boy really likes girl. Girl grows to like boy (sort of) Boy likes girl more then she thought. They make out. Girl is cool with boy.

and here I am.... "girl"....Slowly coming into a relationship of sorts and not really sure about what is going to become of it. I would like to say that I dont mind getting into a relationship I think after a year of some sort of single hood and I think I could be ready for this. but there are so many outside complications....that I'm not sure that I want.

besides that this is going to be a good year, I've survived another decade which is always a good thing. And just like the last year that (i was finished with since like june) began in a horrible way, this year will be a good year. perhaps later I will do a year run down or something...but none the less


Happy new year lovely's!

We're fated to pretend

"I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life..."

This guy talked to me at school the other day and I said hey and gave him my number, which is a decision I instantly regreted. But I guess it's my fault. Now, york is big enough that if I didn't answer his calls anymore I doubt I would ever see him again and I would have to put very little to no effort in making that happen what so ever, but I'm thinking of just being honest. I hear all this talk about honesty being the key...key to what? I always seem to miss out on that part. I can tell you it's not the key to my pants. And I highly doubt if this guy had the key to my heart he could pull his pants up from around his knees long enough to figure out how to use it. I made another error in tell him I was going to be on campus on saturday, and he wants to meet up and grab something to eat. I've gathered the impression that he lives on campus which could bode really well for me as it probably means he's not from around these parts...

But I guess, in his defence, by giving him my number I did indicate interest... how ever fake it might have been. To be totally honest with you, I didn't even think he'd call. On a side note though...my question is this, is it bad to just pretend to be in to someone? When did pretending become a little less like house and more like life?


You Have to hear This...
Okay, so I don't usually get inbetween a person and their music; but I'm gonna give a 5 song run down every now and then and you really should listen...It will be a mix of songs I wont stay in just one genre but I do want to know what oyu think about them! Okay..so Here we go.

1. You Really Wake Up the Love In Me by: The Duke Spirit
The album is called "Neptune", they have this phycodelic rock feel to them that I really miss about music. They are an English rock band, they remind me of sonic youth or the pixies with Janice Joplin as the singer. I demand you Hear this song! It is here by all kinds of awsome, but you can tell me if you like it or not.

2. Medicine by: Starfucker
I don't actually know what album this is off of, if you know let me know. I actually think this is an older song, But no one know what the fuck i'm talking about when I talk about this song. It can best discribed as a little MGMT sounding with a dash of synth. I believe the word is awsome! ( I think I use that word to much!)

3. Heads Will Roll by: Yeah Yeah Yeahs
If you haven't already heard this song then you don't know anything. Do it now. I might just be kidding about that first part. Might be. Go listen to it!

4.Broken (Fairylights Remix) by:Late of the Pier
Sounds like a bit of Bloc Party and some sort of early electro dance thing...But it's good. Just listen...

5.Five More Minutes by:Meaghan Smith
It's from the album "Take me Dancing", this song is way different from the other songs but if you are one of those people like to listen to music when you sleep then this is the right song. It's really relaxing and it's nice to just listen to. Makes you feel calm and relaxed...

let me know what you think of these songs...maybe I will do this again lol...

Speaking of awkward....

So for anyone who has missed the last few months of my life (which is most of you) here is the quick rund down...in point form:

finished things with matt for good this time! there is no going back now!
met some new friends (guy friends)
started this strange non-relationship with one of the new guy friends
might actually like him...but for all the wrong reasons

and as sad as it may seem that's pretty much it.

So me and this guy, we will call him Dean just because I always like dean from Gilmore Girls...and yes i did like that show! anyway, Dean and I seem to have a really sexual relationship thing going on and neither of us are commited to each other but it's like this side action, where we can still hit on other people but we only sleep with each other (or so we say) for now. And when we dont want to do that anymore we give the heads up and go our seperate ways...

I 'like' him because he reminds me of Josh (for anyone who actually follows crazy rambles) my ex boyfriend and he also reminds me of Matt a little, But the good parts about matt not that grose talk and eat with your mouth open thing he does *shudder*... which isn't really a good thing for all the reasons i'm sure you could think of....

Now, I already see the flaw in this whole plan, and slowly this whole shit is unfurling. I dont think he likes me like that completely, but he likes to stair at me alot and i dont know why....and I really like him, kind of like the way I really like The yeah yeah yeah's.....I could listen to him speak all day long cuz he's funny, but I feel a little cheated by my own hand in this. I feel like i'm wasting my time with him but at the same time, I finally have my own time again to waste.
Even though I'm highly suspect that nothing will ever come of this....is it still okay to pretend?